| Author |
Message |
    
Paula Bartello Papapetrou
Awareness Member
Post Number:
8
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 03, 2004 - 02:03 am: |   |
Why is it that you can really care less for someone but their words can hurt so badly. I mean how do I make myself not feel hurt? The SOB was saying some pretty stupid things on the phone the other night. I was having a good evening and, not wanting to listen, I hung up the phone.
I live deep in the country and my cell phone doen't work when I am at home. When I went out yesterday, I found two messages on my phone. Both were from him. I was called a "bag of sh___" several times and many many other colorful things...
Any recommendations on how I can not let him get to me? Any "been there done thats"????
My next book is called "Party In My Pants" It will be my personal experiences as a recently separated/divorced woman... It is supposed to be humorous. Gotta think of a way to make this as_h____ funny! lol
Paula B Papapetrou
Fallen On My Knees |
LaurieAnne
Unity Member
Post Number:
1400
Registered: 12-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 03, 2004 - 08:41 am: | |
Paula,
There are a LOT of BTDT's on board. Myself being one of them. He doesn't call me such things anymore, but it took years. And I was unrelenting with the hang-ups. Everytime he started to scream or raise his voice, or tell me just how ugly, fat, stupid, etc., that I was, I told him that this is a telephone conversation and I didn't have to listen to it. Oh, and if he started that kind of behavior at my house, I informed him that this was MY property, not his, and if he couldn't act like an adult, he could leave.
Of course, I had a little added bonus. His parents like me. And they were more than willing to act as liaison between us. They come to pick up our son for visitation so that I don't have to deal with him.
It doesn't always work to the advantage of hostilities disappearing. When my husband and I have to deal with HIS EX, it isn't very pretty. There are a lot of factors with that one, too, that are just too much for a message board. My EX, however, has finally started to grow up and start to put his life in order. Now, I am realistic enough to know that we are still going to have our bad days when we have to contact each other. But we have BOTH matured enough that we can even sit in the same room, alone, for 2 hours, and hold a civil, calm conversation.
It hasn't been an easy road to get to this point. Believe me. I decked him and came close to facing assault charges. He was harrassing and stalking me. It wasn't pretty at all, to begin with. But after the initial "get out of my face, I can't stand the sound of your voice" attitudes passed, we both sat down and started to talk again. I would NEVER look his way for a relationship because memories are still too strong, but we can at least get along hospitably when we have to.
I wish you the best. Remember, time, patience, and forced maturity will be your real friends during this endeavor.
LA
LaurieAnne
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Paula Bartello Papapetrou
Awareness Member
Post Number:
9
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 03, 2004 - 08:58 am: | |
Thank you LA... You sound like a very wise and a very fun person! Take care.
Paula B Papapetrou
Fallen On My Knees |
Laurel Johnson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2939
Registered: 01-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 03, 2004 - 11:48 am: | |
I don't have an ex, but if I did it would be wise to handle it as you and LA have. Hang up.
Regardless of how you feel now, you shared your life with this man at one time. I can see how what he says and does now would still hurt. This is the man who vowed to love, honor, and cherish til death. That didn't happen but there may always be a part of you that wonders why. At least, that's how I would feel.
I love the idea of you writing a book to shed some humor on someone who still has the power to hurt you. Laughter is the best medicine. |
Tulla
Awareness Member
Post Number:
42
Registered: 12-2003
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 03, 2004 - 01:51 pm: | |
Hello~
OH! How I can relate. My ex finally told me he and his friend had plans to kill me and who ever the guy I hang out with. It is creepy when they can dictate a private conversation to you word for word, when they can tell you how many men and women went into a party.
My ex is now remarried, but still asks me 'why we got a divorce or I don't understand why we got a divorce' with her in the room. With children involve it does not get easier, even with a court order. Not only was I told everything above BUT he told our children I was a lesbian, drug addict, alcoholic, unfit mother.
Our youngest will be graduating next year, my ex thinks I am still not a good role model. Unfortnately, he is losing the battle, my children have stated 'they love him, but don't trust him', he is pushing them away.
Men are Icky! understatement.....I know not all men are, to be fair women are mean.
I can look back, during the time, survival instinct kicked in I went through the motions. NOW though he starts his stuff, I do hang up. I email him to summarize our conversation and save a copy, just in case. BUT it does hurt still, this is the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, the man I loved, had children with, went through some family deaths with. But still he was truely not the man for me....The universe is an interesting place to be.
To heal to get over it....It is different for everyone. I still cry because my children is who he uses now. It is making them tougher but they should not have to go through that because he wants to get even with me.
The times he would tell his lawyer he never respected me. Her reply why did you marry her. He would laugh, 'Marry 'em young and train them the way you want them to be'....He never counted on me having a brain....
I can go on...my divorce file is 4 1/2" thick.....took over 3+ years to finalize everything, so the last court date was 3 years ago....
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Banned in Maryland, Ohio, and Who-knows-where-else (Unregistered Guest)
Work-in-progress guest
Posted From: 66.81.206.245
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 03, 2004 - 11:50 pm: | |
My son is getting married on the 21st to the Deputy District Attorney (Sex Crimes Unit) for Los Angeles. She is 32 and this is her first marriage. It costs $17,000 (not including honeymoon in the Virgin Islands). Since my ex is a registered nurse who makes a lot more than I do, my feeling is that if she wants to participate, she should pay part of the freight. However, in order not to spoil the event, I have determined to keep my mouth shut (unusual for me and definitely not in keeping with my admittedly volatile personality). No doubt my ex and I will spend the evening exchanging thinly veiled insults. It has been 20 years and I'm still not rid of her. The one thing that makes it all worthwhile is that we have a son of whom we are both justly proud.
http://www.fdungan.com/son.htm |
Paula Bartello Papapetrou
Awareness Member
Post Number:
10
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 07:59 am: | |
Wow... Hearing your stories really helps. I guess I don't have it so bad.
Paula B Papapetrou
Fallen On My Knees |
Olen Armstrong
Wandering Member
Post Number:
198
Registered: 06-2003
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 07:59 am: | |
In the midst of so much pain, can I add one glimmer of hope for the future? From a child of a vicious divorce.
My dad grasped onto the "me-first" 60s and 70s with a fervor. My mom is a space case, whose personality is such that if I wasn't related to her I'd have nothing to do with her. Her world is about her, always. Why they ever got together (short of sex) is beyond me. In those days I guess, you had to be married to do the "horizontal mambo". Neither of them were(are) evil. But they were(are) both spectacularly human with the incumbent failings that go with that condition.
I was 12, the oldest of 3, when the crash came and I was caught right in the middle. They each played me against the other, my mom moreso. Needless to say, I grew up fast. Luckily my guardian angel (I don't know where else to give credit) nudged me toward maturing rather than freaking out. I also had old-fashioned country grandparents who kept me grounded, who kept me sane.
And I found a girl, one who needed me as badly as I needed her, and was NOTHING like my mother. And I swore to be the best man I could be, and be NOTHING like my father. We two were very much alike. She's put up with me for over 30 years now (thank you Lord). If I ever lose her, I'll seriously consider sucking on a gun barrel. She's the sun in my solar system, she IS my life. And that feeling is returned to me ten-fold everyday. Looks like fairy tales sometimes DO happen.
So if you're lucky, your kids might just learn from your exes what NOT to do, how NOT to be. My parents' idiocy gave me a clear picture of the pain that trickles down from adult selfishness. I swore to my God that I'd fight tooth-and-nail to keep that from my kids and that I'd be true to my family. They would not suffer as I did, not if I could help it. I seem to have succeeded.
There was a torrent of pain and tears. There are huge scars.
But take heart, there is also hope.
"Happily ever after" IS possible.
Later,
Olen A. |
Laurel Johnson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2945
Registered: 01-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 08:24 am: | |
Yes. The Trickle Down effect does not work for the Reagan and Bush one and two economies.....but it sure as hell does work when relationships go sour. The pain, rage, and suffering does trickle down to the kids. I've been on the receiving end of that bitter trickle, along with my siblings. |
Paula Bartello Papapetrou
Awareness Member
Post Number:
11
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 08:34 am: | |
I too came from a "divorced" family. However my parents are great friends to this day. I guess that I am blessed. (I hoped that my separation would be handled the same as my parents) Oh well....
Paula B Papapetrou
Fallen On My Knees |
Bill Nelson
Wandering Member
Post Number:
111
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 10:36 am: | |
Wow, Paula,
Even you photo is blurred. Man, that beer does strange things!
bn |
Paula Bartello Papapetrou
Awareness Member
Post Number:
13
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 03:36 pm: | |
I am sorry.... I keep trying to get it right! lol At least it is bigger than it was!
Paula B Papapetrou
Fallen On My Knees |
Paula Bartello Papapetrou
Awareness Member
Post Number:
14
Registered: 04-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 04, 2004 - 03:38 pm: | |
Shit Bill! That's not blurry! How many beers have you had? lol
Paula B Papapetrou
Fallen On My Knees |
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