| Author |
Message |
    
Bill Nelson
Unity Member
Post Number:
1952
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, May 10, 2006 - 04:10 pm: |   |
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud
pounding on the door........ The man gets up and goes to the door
where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for
a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the
morning."
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks. "No. I did not. It is three o'clock in
the morning and it is pouring rain outside!!."
His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we
Broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him,
and You should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told (of course!), gets dressed and goes out
Into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello! Are you
still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out
the husband.
"Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!!" replies the drunk. |
Bill Nelson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2023
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 30, 2006 - 09:19 am: | |
A Texas rancher and his wife were arguing while touring Paris.
They were hardly speaking to each other after
being seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner.
When the waiter arrived, the rancher said," I'll have a BIG
THICK PORTERHOUSE STEAK."
The waiter replied, "Monsieur, what about Ze Mad Cow? "
He said, "She'll just have Salad." |
Bill Nelson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2182
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, July 11, 2006 - 11:46 am: | |
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,
right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes,
and said, I would like to buy some cyanide." The
pharmacist asked, " Why in the world do you need
cyanide?" The lady replied "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord
have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband!
That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw
both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture
of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had
a prescription." |
Nancy Mehl
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
2489
Registered: 08-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, July 11, 2006 - 12:27 pm: | |
Bill,
You need to find a hobby..... <grin>
Nancy
MINDSIGHT MODERATOR
www.nancymehlbooks.com
|
Claudia Turner VanLydegraf
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
2814
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 01:49 pm: | |
AS A WOMAN PASSES HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A
STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER
DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR. SHOCKED, SHE
ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?"
THE DAUGHTER REPLIED: "MOM, I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND
THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND
LEAVE ME ALONE."
THE NEXT DAY, THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME BUZZ COMING FROM THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR. UPON ENTERING THE ROOM, HE OBSERVED
HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER VIBRATOR. TO HIS QUERY AS TO
WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID: "DAD I'M THIRTY-FIVE, UNMARRIED, AND
THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND
LEAVE ME ALONE."
A COUPLE DAYS LATER, THE WIFE CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP, PLACED
THE GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER, AND HEARD THAT BUZZING NOISE COMING
FROM, OF ALL PLACES, THE LIVING ROOM. SHE ENTERED THAT AREA AND OBSERVED HER
HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH, SIPPING A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE
TV. THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.
THE WIFE ASKED: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
THE HUSBAND REPLIED: "I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH MY SON-IN-LAW."
Claudia
MINDSIGHT MODERATOR
|
Pacwriter
Unity Member
Post Number:
2484
Registered: 04-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, July 16, 2006 - 04:25 pm: | |
tears in my eyes - I laughed so hard
thanks Claudia - I needed that
http://www.perrycomer.com
http://www.blogger.com/publish.g?blogID=20779252&inprogress=true
|
Fred Dungan
Unity Member
Post Number:
1850
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, July 17, 2006 - 08:44 pm: | |
Obviously, the daughter needed it too. Most young girls I know are married to their cellphones.
http://www.fdungan.com/vigilantes.htm |
Bill Nelson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2198
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, July 18, 2006 - 10:34 am: | |
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the
White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and
he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin,
"How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims "How rude! You're
starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second
term of office a couple of years.
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and
whispers..."It's pronounced 'quiche'." |
Bill Nelson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2212
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, July 21, 2006 - 10:14 am: | |
DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to
go to work the next day, she told Fred, the repairman, "I'll leave the key under
the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail
you a check."
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you.
But,
whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I
REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When Fred arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he
discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just
as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching Fred go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally Fred couldn't contain
himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Sic him, Spike!"
- |
Kevin Yarbrough
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
690
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 08:18 am: | |
Why was the blonde standing at her fridge staring at the bottle of orange juice?
It said concentrate.
Kevin- Literary Pseudocriminal |
Sheila Schmidt
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
808
Registered: 05-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 08:22 am: | |
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?" |
Dennis Collins
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
2021
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 03:49 pm: | |
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the
White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and
he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin,
"How about a quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims "How rude! You're
starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second
term of office a couple of years.
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and
whispers..."It's pronounced 'quiche'."
Dennis Collins
Moderator
www.theunrealmccoy.com |
Sheila Schmidt
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
809
Registered: 05-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 04:36 pm: | |
Actually, it's pronounced "Alzheimer's" Dennis. See 4 posts up!  |
Dennis Collins
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
2022
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 05:29 pm: | |
I thought I'd heard that joke somewhere before.
Dennis Collins
Moderator
www.theunrealmccoy.com |
Bill Nelson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2215
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, July 24, 2006 - 06:17 pm: | |
Dennis was sitting on a park bench, crying.
A policeman asked what the problem was.
"I'm miserable, sonny. I'm 92 years old."
"That's nothing to be sad about, sir."
But, I have a 22 year old mistress, an ex-Miss Universe. She's a graduate of the best cooking school in Paris. She cooks me a fantastic breakfast everyday and then we have sex. I take a nap until she wakes me for the noon meal, what a feast. Then we have sex. I take another nap until she wakes me for the evening meal, oh, what a a spread she prepares. Then we have sex. I take another nap. She wakes me for a glass of wine by the fire place where we have sex. Then she puts me to bed and sings me a lullaby. The same every day, it's wonderful!"
"Well, I fail to see your problem, sir. Why are you crying?"
Dennis dries his eyes and says, "I can't remember where I live!" |
Pacwriter
Unity Member
Post Number:
2515
Registered: 04-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 01, 2006 - 03:19 pm: | |
My friend in Bella Vista, AR is quite a kidder. Here's his story.
I have a Black Lab so I was buying a large bag of Purina at the Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. (!!!?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
Continuing on, I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally perfect so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the check out line was by now enthralled with my story. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no. I'd been sitting in the street licking my privates and a truck hit me.
(I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.)
http://www.perrycomer.com
http://throughablindeye.blogspot.com/
|
Bill Nelson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2239
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 07, 2006 - 03:32 pm: | |
In the morning briefing, Donald Rumsfeld told President Bush that
3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement,
all the color drained from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk,
head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.
Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many
is a brazilian?" |
Joyce Scarbrough
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
900
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 15, 2006 - 07:11 am: | |
"My mom won't tell me anything about her," a little girl says to her
friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's license.
It's like a report card. It has everything on it."
Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you
are. You're 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is beyond surprised and is shocked now. "How in Heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex." |
Stephen Lodge
Wandering Member
Post Number:
226
Registered: 06-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 22, 2006 - 07:14 pm: | |
How all business phones should answer:
GOOD MORNING,
WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Press "1" for English.
Press "2" to disconnect until you have learned to speak English!
http://stephenlodge.com
Novels by Stephen Lodge:
"Charley Sunday's Texas Outfit!"
"Nickel-Plated Dream"
"Shadows of Eagles"
|
Stephen Lodge
Wandering Member
Post Number:
231
Registered: 06-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, August 25, 2006 - 04:06 am: | |
"Veni, Vidi, Velcro....I came, I saw, I stuck around."
http://stephenlodge.com
Novels by Stephen Lodge:
"Charley Sunday's Texas Outfit!"
"Nickel-Plated Dream"
"Shadows of Eagles"
|
Bill Nelson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2281
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 28, 2006 - 12:02 pm: | |
The train was quite crowded, so the U.S. Marine walked the
entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by A well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular,
"Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
She snorted, Not only are you Americans rude, you are also
arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word, he just picked up
the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you
Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You hold the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window. |
Stephen Lodge
Wandering Member
Post Number:
235
Registered: 06-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 28, 2006 - 12:19 pm: | |
Proof That The World Is Nuts
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside
And deflower young virgins, who pay
Them for the privilege of having sex
For the first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there
Any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what?
Well, not as great as Guam!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses
150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and
Always falls over on its right side
When intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of???)
(Did the government pay
For this research??)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And, the best for last?
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad
Breath in the morning!)
http://stephenlodge.com
Novels by Stephen Lodge:
"Charley Sunday's Texas Outfit!"
"Nickel-Plated Dream"
"Shadows of Eagles"
|
Tom Elkins
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
543
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 28, 2006 - 01:07 pm: | |
Now I know why my son liked living on Guam. He told me he was working in radio.
Tom Elkins
NORTH of TEXAS
www.authorsden.com/tomelkins |
LA
Unity Member
Post Number:
2217
Registered: 12-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 31, 2006 - 10:02 pm: | |
The Purina Diet nearly did me in...I've had to repeat it to most of my family members. Of course...I can't make it through the punchline without laughing so hard they can barely understand me. LOL
LA
New Releases: Joyce Sterling Scarbrough: DIFFERENT ROADS. Elura Coren: JADED. |
Nancy Mehl
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
2573
Registered: 08-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, October 01, 2006 - 09:34 pm: | |
Do you know what you get if you cross a demon with a redneck???
BEELZEBUBBA....
Nancy
MINDSIGHT MODERATOR
Look for "In the Dead of Winter" from Barbour Books
March 2007
www.nancymehl.com
|
Persiphone Hellecat
Awareness Member
Post Number:
16
Registered: 06-2006
Rating: 
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, October 02, 2006 - 03:50 pm: | |
Great jokes - I gotta remember several of them for when I do public speaking events. Starting with a joke always makes me friends in the audience. Thanks for great material. Charie |
Bill Nelson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2448
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, November 11, 2006 - 09:59 am: | |
Bubba was from Alabama, and was a good ol' Southern Baptist. He loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies, and losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race.
Bubba was most interested to see what the priest did in the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.
Bubba made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Bubba collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, Bubba bet on it, and it won! Bubba was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first.
Bubba began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.
Bubba bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded.
He made his way to the track, and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost all my savings,
thanks to you!!"
The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Protestants....... you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites." |
Kevin R. Paglia
Wandering Member
Post Number:
220
Registered: 07-2003
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, November 11, 2006 - 05:26 pm: | |
From my brother the cop:
I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING THE OTHER DAY.
I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL
THE COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT.
Sign You're Driving Too Fast........
This one is destined to become a classic, If this doesn't make you laugh or at least smile ... you need to think seriously about getting professional assistance. |
Tom Elkins
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
587
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, November 12, 2006 - 12:14 pm: | |
An agnostic dislexic insomniac....someone who lays awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.
Tom Elkins
NORTH of TEXAS
www.authorsden.com/tomelkins |
Kevin R. Paglia
Wandering Member
Post Number:
221
Registered: 07-2003
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, November 12, 2006 - 03:04 pm: | |
Yeah but can you imagine them trying to get their god to roll over?
I apologize for that. |
Dennis Collins
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
2210
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, February 05, 2007 - 04:23 pm: | |
Things you need to know...
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for
Blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of
age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So
did the first "Marlboro Man."
Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!
PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!
The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola,
and Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6)
feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from
the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
And the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)
Dennis Collins
Moderator
www.theunrealmccoy.com
http://theunrealmccoy.blogspot.com |
Dennis Collins
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
2260
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, March 10, 2007 - 09:54 am: | |
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
>>> Looking around, he sees three men sitting at corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
>>> The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
>>> The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
>>> The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
>>> The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"
>>> At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says...................
>>>
>>>>> "Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk.
Dennis Collins
Moderator
www.theunrealmccoy.com
http://theunrealmccoy.blogspot.com |
Tom Elkins
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
679
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, March 10, 2007 - 10:36 am: | |
For golfers only: A golf pro walked into a bar and sat down next to an attractive young woman. Said the woman, "Hi. I'm a hooker." The pro answered, "No problem. Just roll your hands a little to the left..."
Tom Elkins
NORTH of TEXAS
www.authorsden.com/tomelkins |
|
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