Life is _____________________ learning

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Author Message   Pacwriter Unity Member Post Number: 2860 Registered: 04-2002 Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) Posted on Saturday, March 31, 2007 - 07:49 pm:    >1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from >rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. > >2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will >be afraid to cough. > >3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting >someone else to hold them while you chop away. > >4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply >using the sink. > >5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for >three minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. > >6. Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget >about the headache. > >Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You >only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the >WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. > >Remember: >Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. > >Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom. > >If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance. > >And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when >you might need them to empty your bedpan ______________________________________________ http://www.perrycomer.com   Pacwriter Unity Member Post Number: 2861 Registered: 04-2002 Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) Posted on Saturday, March 31, 2007 - 07:53 pm:    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive. So I took her to a gas station! ~~'**'~~ An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across , held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said "Then, you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!" http://www.perrycomer.com