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Message |
    
Tom Elkins
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
725
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 03:28 pm: |   |
Our gracious host assures me that there is still a place where we can swap jokes and banter about Imus and other nonsense, and this is it.
So...A termite walked into a bar and said "Is the bartender here?"
(You may have to think that over for awhile.)
Tom Elkins
NORTH of TEXAS
www.authorsden.com/tomelkins |
Pacwriter
Unity Member
Post Number:
2902
Registered: 04-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 03:37 pm: | |
gotta be a Texas joke 
http://www.perrycomer.com
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Kevin R. Paglia
Wandering Member
Post Number:
272
Registered: 07-2003
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 06:36 pm: | |
I got it, there is a ------- needed for those of you still wondering.
On the other hand I'll make y'all think about it.
KEvin |
Claudia Turner VanLydegraf
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
3034
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 08:04 pm: | |
hahahahhahhahhhhhahhahah good one!!!!
Claudia
MINDSIGHT MODERATOR
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Pacwriter
Unity Member
Post Number:
2904
Registered: 04-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007 - 09:55 pm: | |
Ok, so I got a hard head and my dear wife had to explain it.
Not the same joke with a barkeep
http://www.perrycomer.com
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Joyce Scarbrough
Unity Member
Post Number:
1055
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 10:11 am: | |
I get it! Here's another one:
Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
~Joyce Sterling Scarbrough
True Blue Forever
ISBN 0-9722385-9-X
Different Roads
ISBN 0-9722385-3-0
Authors Ink Books
http://www.authorsinkbooks.com
Read the first chapters: http://www.authorsden.com/joycelscarbrough1
Waste time on Joyce's Blog: http://joycescarbrough.blogspot.com
Watch the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kztz5e3XZeo |
Tom Elkins
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
726
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 11:10 am: | |
A screwdriver walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you." The screwdriver said, "Philips Head? That's a funny name for a drink."
Tom Elkins
NORTH of TEXAS
www.authorsden.com/tomelkins |
Dennis Collins
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
2385
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 11:14 am: | |
A Philips Screwdriver? Isn't that Vodka and Milk of Magnesia?
Dennis Collins
Moderator
www.theunrealmccoy.com
http://theunrealmccoy.blogspot.com |
Stephen Lodge
Hsympothai Member
Post Number:
485
Registered: 06-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 01:33 pm: | |
A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, honey! How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Miller Light?" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. "On my bill," he said.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me… I'm collecting disability."
http://www.stephenlodge.com
Novels by Stephen Lodge:
"Charley Sunday's Texas Outfit!"
"Nickel-Plated Dream"
"Shadows of Eagles"
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Tom Elkins
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
727
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 05:00 pm: | |
Watch it, Steve. That might offend the atheists among us.
Tom Elkins
NORTH of TEXAS
www.authorsden.com/tomelkins |
Pacwriter
Unity Member
Post Number:
2906
Registered: 04-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 06:07 pm: | |
there are those in some quarters that would say, "Better an atheist than a democrat". And some would say there's only a dime's difference. And then there are those who say, "Whatever cooks your cookies or floats your boat."
sign in a dog owner's yard " Salesmen are welcome, dog food is expensive".
http://www.perrycomer.com
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Claudia Turner VanLydegraf
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
3038
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 - 09:21 pm: | |
here is one that had me rolling on the floor, and I am sure there are a few of you who can relate to it the same way I did, or even better.......
Cleaning Chickens
"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.
"It ain't my fault," Miss Crabtree. "You can blame this on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.
"You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. And last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, "That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!'"
'Stay back, he yelled to all us kids!"
He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come sneakin' up behind Daddy. Then we all looked on plumb helpless, as old Zeke stuck that cold nose in Daddy's crack!
"Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!"
Claudia
MINDSIGHT MODERATOR
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Harry Simenon
Unity Member
Post Number:
1530
Registered: 10-2003
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 - 10:07 am: | |
Tom,
"Watch it, Steve. That might offend the atheists among us."
No problem Tom, the average atheist is pretty tolerate. |
Stephen Lodge
Hsympothai Member
Post Number:
486
Registered: 06-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2007 - 11:12 am: | |
Don't worry, Harry - I don't believe in political correctness ~
http://www.stephenlodge.com
Novels by Stephen Lodge:
"Charley Sunday's Texas Outfit!"
"Nickel-Plated Dream"
"Shadows of Eagles"
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Harry Simenon
Unity Member
Post Number:
1531
Registered: 10-2003
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 19, 2007 - 09:47 am: | |
Good to hear Stephen. |
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