| Author |
Message |
    
Nancy Marie
Unity Member
Post Number:
1679
Registered: 08-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 07:33 am: |   |
Hi all,
Below is a copy of the query letter I wrote for the children's book I am starting to send out. Any feedback or comments would be appreciated.
Kitty
Thomas and Cassie, two runaway slaves, are lost and alone. Their mother has disappeared and so have their hopes of finding freedom in Canada. A series of adventures and disasters await the two children as they struggle to find the Underground Railroad and their missing mother.
The Journey Home was written with over 20 years of writing experience. My first novel, When You Wish Upon A Star¸ published by AmErica House Publishers, has received both critical and literary acclaim, and continues to sell well. My second novel, Benjamin’s Bride, is scheduled for release this May from WinterWolf Publishing. In addition, my children’s stories have appeared in the magazine “On-the-Line.”
The manuscript, written for children ages 9-12 with a Flesch-Kincaid grade level rating of 4.2 is complete, and you will find a sample chapter attached. Also included are the synopsis, a chapter-by-chapter outline, and an author’s bio.
I look forward to hearing from you and the possibility of working with your organization.
Sincerely,
|
Perry Comer
Unity Member
Post Number:
1160
Registered: 04-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 07:59 am: | |
Kitty, my luck with query letters leaves me unable to offer any suggestions. Who can understand the working of an editor's mind. I have come to the conclusion that it has to cross their desk at the right time while they are in the right frame of mind. Otherwise no matter what the letter contains, it is file 13.
Best of luck and prayers
http://www.pacwriter.netfirms.com/ |
Sheila Schmidt
Hsympothai Member
Post Number:
376
Registered: 05-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 08:54 am: | |
I think it sounds really good. The only possible suggestion I would make is to question whether '...my children's stories...' found at end of second paragraph should be plural '...my childrens' stories...' I don't know. What are your thoughts?
I think it sounds like a really good query letter. Best of luck!!
Sheila |
Laurel Johnson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2619
Registered: 01-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 10:29 am: | |
I was curious to know why you did not include the publication of Buttercups for Jesus.
If I were a knowledgeable editor at a publishing house that handles books of rchildren, I would be favorably impressed by your mention of the reading level.
I thought it was a good query letter. |
Frank P. Baron
Awareness Member
Post Number:
12
Registered: 10-2003
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 10:47 am: | |
The first line of your second paragraph is awkward. I'd drop it. You could introduce the title at the very beginning by saying: The Journey Home features Thomas and Cassie, two runaway slaves who are lost and alone.
Another head-scratcher for me was "both critical and literary acclaim." I don't understand what "literary" means in that context. It seems redundant. I'd suggest: My first novel........has received critical acclaim and continues to sell well.
Other than those two quibbles I think it reads well. Best of luck.
Author: What Fish Don't Want You to Know |
Fred Dungan
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
548
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 05:34 pm: | |
I'm a writer, not a salesman, so I let my book speak for itself. Why bother with a query letter? If you have a manuscript, send it. If you aren't that far along, you shouldn't be spending your time on anything other than writing.
Yes, I know that many publishers say they would prefer a query letter and won't accept unsolicited manuscripts, but the fact of the matter is that they are so inundated with submissions that they concocted query letters as a means of limiting the number of manuscripts that they receive. Since they all go into the same slush pile, it really doesn't matter whether you sent a query letter or not.
Submission guidelines are just that - guidelines, not hard and fast rules. It pays to be brash. You want their eyes on your manuscript. The direct route is almost always the best way to get to where you want to go.
http://www.fdungan.com/publish.htm
|
LaurieAnne
Unity Member
Post Number:
1211
Registered: 12-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 10:07 pm: | |
Just a note, Fred...never submit to AIB. Anyone who does not FOLLOW the GUIDELINES provided is immediately rejected on the basis of inability to follow directions.
And yes, I use this same process for hiring. If the ad says no phone calls, and you call me, I'll ask your name just so that I can put you on the list of persons incapable of following simple directions.
LA
LaurieAnne
|
LaurieAnne
Unity Member
Post Number:
1212
Registered: 12-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 10:07 pm: | |
Kitty,
With the suggestions made above, your query sounds very good.
LA
LaurieAnne
|
Dennis Collins
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
575
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, February 21, 2004 - 05:43 am: | |
Kitty
Your query sounds professional and concise. I would check the submission guidelines of whoever you're sending it to. It has been my experience that many agents want one sheet of paper only; no bio, no outline, and no synopsis. Others want more information or even sample chapters. I try to give them exactly what they ask for.
If, after reading your query, they request the full manuscript, you know they're serious.
Here is a copy of what I've been using. I'm still refining it.
Dennis Collins
10025 W. Stanley Rd.
Flushing, MI 48433
theunrealmccoy@aol.com
February 9, 2004
Greetings
“The trouble with instant gratification is that it takes too long.” These were the last words out of Detective Sergeant Albert McCoy’s mouth before the shooting started. Moments later, thirteen shots had been fired and his living room floor sparkled with shards of broken glass and the remnants of an artificial Christmas tree.
Turn Left at September is the second in a series of mystery novels featuring a trio of characters from Detroit. Detective Sergeant Albert McCoy and his partner Otis Springfield join Private Investigator Michael O’Conner to save an emerging recording star from the predators of her tarnished past.
In her youth, Monica Wilson experimented with drugs and was eventually recruited to become a drug dealer for “Satan’s Disciples M/C” president Billy Bones. Billy only does things one way and opposition carries a death penalty. Now, as part of one of the country’s fastest rising musical groups, Monica has discovered a new life with an opportunity to stand in the sunlight instead of a dimly lit alley, but Billy has other ideas.
Turn Left at September takes the reader from the streets of Detroit to a ski resort/casino in Michigan’s wild upper peninsula, while a ruthless gang leader stops at nothing as he murders his way to the top prize, the country’s newest singing star.
The manuscript is complete and ready to submit at approximately 75,000 words. After reading my work, Barbara D’Amato has given me permission to use her as a reference.
Michael O’Conner, a burgeoning Private Investigator and his mentors, Police Detectives McCoy and Springfield were introduced as a team in The Unreal McCoy, the recipient of highly favorable reviews and a finalist in a reader’s choice competition for mystery novels.
Sincerely,
Dennis Collins
The Unreal McCoy, - originally from PublishAmerica, re-released through Independence Books
|
Nancy Marie
Unity Member
Post Number:
1680
Registered: 08-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, February 21, 2004 - 08:30 am: | |
Hi all,
Thanks for all your comment and suggestions. I really appreciate the help.
Laurel, I didn't include Buttercups because, to date, it has only sold 6 copies.
Dennis, your query letter has punch, pizazz, and style. I like it!
blessings, Kitty |
Matt Dinniman
Wandering Member
Post Number:
139
Registered: 04-2003
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, February 21, 2004 - 04:19 pm: | |
It looks good, Nancy.
Dennis... I suspect the mention of Unreal McCoy is not enough for your query. If you're selling it as a 2nd book in a series, and I saw this query, I would have many questions immediately. Namely, who published it and how many copies did it sell. Since that info isn't in there, I would suspect that you're hiding something. |
Dennis Collins
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
576
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, February 21, 2004 - 04:41 pm: | |
Read on, Matt
The last line of the query names the publisher and the fact that it's been re-released under a different imprint. I'm not hiding anything here, merely begging a question.
At the last conference that I attended, I had the opportunity to share cocktails and war stories with a couple of New York agents and they both stressed the feeling that an author must pitch one book at a time unless specifically asked about other projects. They were emphatic about focusing solely on the product you are selling. |
Fred Dungan
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
551
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, February 22, 2004 - 03:12 am: | |
LA,
You really do belong in the newspaper business. It's so you.
I said it once and I will say it again. Guidelines aren't laws and they won't throw you in jail for what amounts to a minor indiscretion. Fear of what might happen all too often leads to inaction. I know of writers who have submitted umpteen queries and eventually gave up without ever having their manuscript read by anybody. Do what it takes. That's the way the world works.
http://www.fdungan.com/publish.htm |
Steven Shrewsbury
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
524
Registered: 04-2003
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, February 22, 2004 - 06:30 am: | |
When one subs short tales online some editors (so called) are really anal...insist on single spaced RTF space between ETC...recently I got a snotty reply from and "editor" informign me they ahve deleted the sub unread because I did not adhere to STANDARD sub format. I checked what his def of that was. It was how I wrote it in the first place.
Screw him and Mickey Mouse.
Like I got f&%#ing time... |
Fred Dungan
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
555
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, February 22, 2004 - 10:16 pm: | |
Well said. Spoken like a true, upstanding fellow of our noble profession. The next round is on me.
http://www.fdungan.com/vigilantes.htm
|
Brian T. Seifrit
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
646
Registered: 03-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 07:58 pm: | |
Yeah, short and sweet. Ask the question, and get on with it. My query reads like this:
I am seeking representation for my 90K-word fiction novel; a Historical/Western titled “Red Rock Canyon”. I’m a Canadian author with four books published. A fifth will be available in January 2004. The titles in order of publication are: “The O'Brien Series-Book One”, “Flesh Craves-The Vanfell Legacy”, “Manhunt” which, is the sequel to first title listed and my most recent title “Escape”. In March 2004 the sequel to “Escape” titled “One Shot-Two Kills”, will also be available. The publisher of the two later titles is Electrice Books, a Canadian publisher. I have enclosed brief reviews of all said titles, in hopes to spark interest. I look forward to your prompt reply.
Best regards,
Short and sweet... We all have to remember that everyone writes queries differently. For instance if I am submitting to a publisher I simply replace "representation" with "publication...". I notice a lot of people use what looks like and reads as if it were taken from the book itself, I wonder if this is what publishers etc., want to read, cause usaully that is what a synopsis is for. I don't know, I figure whatever works for the author... then sobeit. I suck at query letter' anyhow. And no matter how many times I try and write one differently I always fall back to the short and sweet...lol. Talk to ya... :^)
Brian T.
http://seifrit.ineedabook.net |
Tester (Unregistered Guest)
Work-in-progress guest
Posted From: 204.246.5.17
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 11:13 pm: | |
Just a note, Brian...
Fiction novel is redundant. All novels are fiction.
|
Fred Dungan
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
566
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 11:34 pm: | |
I read the four chapters you posted at the Workshop and enjoyed it immensely. Although I've never been to Hudu country, I felt like I had by the time I finished reading. As far as I'm concerned, there is not enough of a good book at 90,000 words and far too much of a bad book at 35,000 words. Why do the publishing houses persist in measuring a book's value by its word count? I'm not sure, but I strongly suspect that it is because they don't read what we send them.
http://www.fdungan.com/publish.htm |
Brian T. Seifrit
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
647
Registered: 03-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, February 28, 2004 - 08:37 am: | |
Thanx Fred, glad you enjoyed the read at the workshop, if you liked it then, it is now even better, I've done some major editing to it. And thanx Tester for bringing the redundancy of the use of 'fiction novel', to my attention, I suppose it is redundant. As for word count etc, my opinion is this, a book ends whenever we finish it, whether it be 90K, or 35K, why publishers measure a book value by word count always bugged me too. How many authors do you suppose just keep adding stuff to their work to reach the word count request by publishers? Some authors will likely keep re-iterating the same information two or three times, in an attempt to fill up pages in an effort to reach the publisher's requested word count. I think a story should end when it ends... otherwise we as the authors have cheated our readers... Talk to ya...
Brian T.
http://seifrit.ineedabook.net |
Dennis Collins
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
777
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 01, 2004 - 07:40 am: | |
Cricket Pechstein is a literary agent that I met in Florida, I'm pretty sure that CE said that he's met her too.
A while back, she invited me to submit my manuscript (which she graciously declined) and introduced me to some of the finer points of submitting my work.
Her website www.agentcricket.com has a very clear example of how to write a Full Book Proposal, something that I've found to be tremendously helpful. Your proposal package will include:
1. A one page query letter
2. A one page synopsis of your book
3. A one page overview of your book
4. A one page bio
5. A one page business plan for promoting your work.
6. A one page assessment of what segment of the market you think you'd
be competing in and how you feel your work compares with existing
products.
I keep mine as a dynamic document, constantly updating it as my experiences accumulate. It's really come in handy a couple of times when I needed some sort of documentation in a hurry |
Nancy Marie
Unity Member
Post Number:
1899
Registered: 08-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, November 06, 2004 - 08:34 am: | |
Hi all, resurrecting this thread rather than starting a new one. I'd be real grateful for any feedback on the query letter below. Thanks, Kitty
“Can’t you do anything right?” Larkin is sick of hearing that from the elders. He can’t flame, he can’t roar, and he bumps his tail on the ground when he lands. Smaller than other dragons, he escapes their criticism in the jeweled caverns where he contemplates life among the humans. The humans, all magic users, are the dragons’ natural enemies. All except for one boy, Patrik, who was born without magic. A lonely outcast, Patrik finds acceptance in Larkin. Their unusual friendship is tested and strengthened when a world-ending war threatens their land. Together they must find the Dragon King, Skyhawk, and convince him to intervene. However, prophecy predicts that only the pure in heart and the pure in action will find the Dragon King.
Desperation forces them to undertake the journey in spite of their convictions that they are unworthy to face Skyhawk. Their search takes them across oceans, deserts, and into the heart of the highest mountains. As they travel, they discover not only the wonders of their land but their own true natures are revealed. Doubts are resolved and secrets are uncovered as they grow to trust themselves and each other.
“Dragon Tears” is a 56,000 word young adult novel, and I believe that it will fill the current need for good fantasy fiction for this age group. I brought to this novel over 20 years of successful writing experience. This includes publication in various fields such as children’s literature, full-length adult novels, magazine articles, and newspaper journalism. In addition, I possess solid experience in marketing and promoting my work.
The novel is complete and I would be happy to forward to you sample chapters, a synopsis, and/or the complete manuscript upon your request. I look forward to hearing from you and the possibility of working with your organization. |
Claudia Turner VanLydegraf
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
1708
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, November 06, 2004 - 09:03 am: | |
kitty,
VERY GOOD LETTER!!! I think it is a good letter to send. I really have nothing to add to it at all. Seems complete already as stands.
Claudia |
Bill Nelson
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
680
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, November 06, 2004 - 09:19 am: | |
Kitty,
It gets my attention. Good job.
bn |
Nancy Marie
Unity Member
Post Number:
1900
Registered: 08-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, November 07, 2004 - 07:14 am: | |
Thanks for the feedback!!
blessings, Kitty |
|
Closed: New threads not accepted on this page