| Author |
Message |
    
Nancy Marie
Unity Member
Post Number:
1721
Registered: 08-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 09:08 am: |   |
Hi All,
My eleven year-old daughter has been wanting to read a young-adult book about dragons, but after searching through two libraries came up empty handed. You know what they say, "Find a need and fill it."
So, I have undertaken to write a young-adult novel about dragons. I am pretty excited about this project, even though I know with school and work, it might take me awhile to finish it.
The first few pages are below. If anyone's got the time to read them, I'd sure appreciate your thoughts,
blessings, Kitty
Dragon Tears – Chapter One
“Try it again!”
He took a deep breath, feeling it rumble way down in his chest. He exhaled as hard as he could. “Errup.”
“That sounded more like a burp than a roar.” The elder’s voice held nothing but contempt and scorn. “You are dismissed!”
Larken’s large, green eyes whirled, and then he blinked twice as if trying to wash away his shame. His wings trailed in the dirt behind him as he trudged back to his cave. He took one last look at the bright sunshine, and those basking in its warm rays, and sighed. He only hoped his cave would be empty when he got there so he could curl up in a ball and try to stay warm.
It wasn’t. The brood mother greeted him, her eyes spinning with displeasure.
“Dismissed again,” she asked, only it wasn’t a question. No one came back early from the Council unless they had been asked to leave.
Larken nodded.
“It’s a good thing he’s out on border patrol, otherwise the master might have a thing or two to say about this.”
Larken’s wings drooped even further. The last lecture he got from the master had left his ears ringing as the brood father had openly and loudly displayed his anger with his youngest and smallest hatchling.
“What was it this time? You didn’t launch right? Or was it your inability to soar? Or maybe you couldn’t flame right?” Her sarcasm was as thick as the cave walls.
“I can’t roar,” Larken answered. “The elder said it sounded like a burp.”
His eyes blinked again several times and the brood mother, seeing the threatened tears in his eyes, jumped on him like a bird on beetle. “Don’t you dare cry! DRAGONS DON’T CRY. Not ever!”
It didn’t look like he could hang his head any lower, but he managed to scrunch his long neck as close to his body as possible, making him look like a wound up jack-in-the-box. “Yes ma’am,” he said.
“Until you are called back by the elders, you can spend your time in the mines. I’m going hunting.”
“Yes ma’am.” Larkin hid his relief at his punishment. Most dragons hated the mines but Larken found the caverns comforting, even if they were cold and damp. No one bothered him there. No one yelled at him for being too small, too clumsy, or too slow. And besides in the back of the deepest, darkest mine he had found an opening; one that led to the world outside.
Outside, away from the others, Larkin felt free. He didn’t have to try and be like anyone else. He could just be himself without the pressure of doing things he didn’t like to do or couldn’t do as well as the others. There was no one outside to constantly be compared to, and he found peace just sitting and watching the world around him. He also was free to pursue his secret, the one he would never let anyone know about.
-- # --
Patrik stumbled over the cabin’s threshold, spilling the load of kindling he was carrying. It scattered across the tile floor like marbles, clattering and clacking, and interrupting the cabin’s owner. He cringed at the noise, knowing his teacher would not let this disturbance pass. As he bent to pick it up, he heard footsteps coming toward him from the study.
“What do you think you are doing? Use your magic, boy! How many times to I have to remind you.” The wizard stood in the doorway, his hands on his hips.
Patrick looked up at his teacher, frowned in frustration, and straightened. “I have no magic,” he said at last. “You know that.”
“All people have magic. You just haven’t learned to use yours yet. You just don’t apply yourself hard enough. Now, boy, pick it up using your power.”
The apprentice stood as rigid as one of the long-pole pines outside the door. He squeezed his eyes shut, and concentrated as hard as he could. In his mind, he saw the kindling gather itself together, forming a neat bundle. He visualized it rising up to fill his outstretched arms. He focused his thoughts on making the wood move toward him.
He opened his eyes, and blew out a deep breath between his pursed lips. Not a stick had moved. “I told you, I have no magic. Why don’t you believe me?”
The wizard sighed, his frustration as obvious as Patrik’s. “And how many times do I have to tell you: all people have magic. They have to in order to fight the dragons. Without magic people would disappear from the world. Do you want to become a dragon’s next meal? Is that what you want boy?”
Patrik shook his head. No, he didn’t want to end up in some dragon’s stomach. But he knew, deep down inside of him, that he had no magic. He’d known it even before he’d been assigned as an apprentice to Wizard Allard. It seemed as if he’d known he was different since the day he was born, and he was sure his parents had known it too.
After all other babies just thought about what they wanted and it flew to them. Patrik had always had to reach out and grab for it. Other children didn’t walk to where they wanted to go, they transported themselves from room to room. And other young adults didn’t feel sorry for the dragons that died in the long-standing war between the species.
But Patrik did. They were so beautiful, so majestic, and so powerful. Patrik often found himself wishing he’d been born a dragon instead of a human. That way he could just fly away from all the things that made him different from the others.
“I want you to spend the afternoon practicing your magic,” the wizard said, interrupting Patrik’s thoughts. “I expect ever single twig picked up by supper time or you’ll get no dinner. And, you are to do it by using your magic!”
Patrik nodded, hiding his dismay. He knew he’d go to bed hungry tonight. He mentally shrugged his acceptance of the fact. It wasn’t the first time he’d gone without supper, and he was sure it wouldn’t be his last.
(Well the paste and copy command didn't hold the formatting I'm not sure why, but there are paragraphs and double-spacing in the original, Kity)
|
Trina Green
Awareness Member
Post Number:
27
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 10:24 am: | |
Necessity is the Mother of invention, or so I've been told. grin. Very nice story. I can see where you're going with it. The two beings not fitting in and eventually pairing up. Your daughter should be very pleased. I found it enjoyable reading and believe you me I'm not a preteen. Well not physically anyway. |
Gloria Marlow
Wisdom Member
Post Number:
873
Registered: 04-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 10:59 am: | |
Kitty, I like it very much. Working on something you're excited about always seems to make things better.
Gloria |
Kevin Yarbrough
Hunger Member
Post Number:
73
Registered: 03-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 03:36 pm: | |
If you want a good YA book with dragons in it I would say by Scot Stone's "Chimes of Yarwana". PA author but the book is great.
Kevin |
Nancy Marie
Unity Member
Post Number:
1724
Registered: 08-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 07:34 pm: | |
Thanks guys for your thoughts. I was wondering though is the opening too predictable. I do have a twist ending in mind, though, but I certainly don't want the beginning to be dull, as it won't make it past the slush pile.
blessings, Kitty |
Laurel Johnson
Unity Member
Post Number:
2883
Registered: 01-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, April 23, 2004 - 06:26 am: | |
I like where you're going with this, Kitty. You've given the dragon "humanity" from the beginning and readers will immediately identify or empathize with the dragon and Patrik. We all understand wanting to be something we can't be, or wishing to attain the seemingly unattainable.
I'll be interested to see how it turns out. |
|
Closed: New threads not accepted on this page