| Author |
Message |
    
Nancy Marie
Unity Member
Post Number:
1960
Registered: 08-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 13, 2005 - 08:06 am: |   |
It's funny, not, the things we tell ourselves, the things we come to believe about ourselves. I have been in a real pit for a couple of years now, and a lot of it is due to the things I've been telling myself and believing about myself.
The fiasco with PA was the starting point, but I knew it was a lousy contract when I signed it, so I got over that fairly quickly. What really threw me for a loop was having my agent fire me. I just couldn't get over that one. I kept saying to myself, "Yes, I am a good writer, I'm just not good enough. Not good enough to get a contract with a traditional publisher, not good enough to get an agent to believe in me. Not good enough to be a real writer."
Those of a Christian bent will recognize these as lies of the Enemy, something I didn't recognize until just a few days ago. All this time, I was believing these lies. I didn't write, much, I didn't feel like a writer. I lost my identity and my passion. I didn't visit Mindsight very often because Mindsight is for writers and I no longer considered myself to be one. I was not good enough. I lost all interest in marketing my works and in promoting myself as a writer. I felt like a fraud. I had lost myself.
A couple of days ago, I got back some feedback from my professor on a story I had written for my final project in post-modernism thought and its affect on religion. Briefly, post-modernism is a philosophical view of the world that no longer follows the modern/rational/logical thought but incorporates a worldview that is more open to the supernatural. (It is more complicated than that but I won't bore you with the details as I am probably boring you already)
I wrote a story about a conversation between a "black robe" Jesuit missionary and an Iroquois medicine man. My professor loved it and wrote back "You are amazing!" Almost immediately, I said to myself, "I may be amazing but I am not good enough." The irony of this was not lost on me and I began to question this assumption.
The very next day a friend sent me a devotional all about the things we tell ourselves, the "I am not..." statements and how to combat them. That's when it all fell into place. How I had been telling myself for two long years that I was not good enough and what a lie I had swallowed.
I thought a lot about John Lawerence Robinson and his amazing success. I thought about Nancy Mehl and her publishing successes. I thought about all y'all here and how you keep plugging along inspite of successes or lack thereof.
That's when I realized that success is about being in the right place, at the right time, with the right manuscript ready to go. It will never happen if you give up, if you tell yourself you're not good enough, if you don't keep plugging along getting better and better at the craft. I realized that my time has just not come yet, and it will never come, if I give up.
And this is the important part, it will never come if you believe lies about yourself, if you tell yourself that you are not good enough.
So to all y'all you are good enough, you will make it, and so will I. It will just happen when the time is right, which may not be the time we want it to happen, but with patience, preserverance, and above all believing in yourself, you will be a success. You and I are writers, and nobody better ever again try to tell me different.
smiles and blessings, Nancy |
Laurel Johnson
Unity Member
Post Number:
3992
Registered: 01-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 13, 2005 - 08:22 am: | |
I just love hearing that, Kitty!! What a wonderful, uplifting commentary. Whether we are Christian believers or not, the messages we give ourselves become our reality. We are what we think we are. Our entire lives feed into the losing scenarios.
On a personal level, I am a fat useless zero because my dad told me I was often enough that it became my persona. I could win the Pulitzer, but underlying that would be the same message.
My thoughts on your talents have long been that you have not yet reached your zenith. That is, have not found the right agent for example. Your professor sees your potential realistically. He sees your work for what it is -- not with an eye for profit or loss, but for its intrinsic value as written word. This is a turning point for you. It comes to everyone who writes well and perseveres. One agent and one opinion does not a successful writer make.
Laurel Johnson
Author: The Grass Dance
The Alley of Wishes
Color of Laughter, Color of Tears
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LA
Unity Member
Post Number:
2034
Registered: 12-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 13, 2005 - 09:14 am: | |
Kitty,
That was very well-said. It is also very true. I am thrilled to see you visiting more, and jumping for joy that you have started back to finding yourself again. Fighting those "I am not"s is a difficult job.
Blessings, girl.
LA
Available now:
THE BUTTERFLY GAME, Gloria Davidson Marlow ISBN 0-9722385-4-9
SHADES OF SILENCE, Gloria Davidson Marlow ISBN 0-9722385-6-5 |
Bill Nelson
Unity Member
Post Number:
1327
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 13, 2005 - 09:56 am: | |
Kitty,
Thank you for the reminder.
Forgive me for saying so, but what you say is not exclusive to Christian thinking, but to all your belief systems.
It all starts in your mind. You could not rise from a chair if you didn't first have the thought to do so, action always FOLLOWS the thought process.
If we work backward and determine what we want our life's ACTION to be, we simply have to program in the appropriate thought processes, the body will follow.
You keep writing, Nancy Marie. Your'e as good as anyone.
Bill Nelson
RISEN, ISBN 1-93301616-4
Behler Publications |
Claudia Turner VanLydegraf
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number:
2270
Registered: 06-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 13, 2005 - 11:06 am: | |
thanks Kitty, for re-pointing that out to me/all of us today, as I also have been fighting that battle a lot in my head. Ever since PA and all the battles I have had with them, I started questioning my own honesty and ability and found myself lacking in the ability part and started buying into some negativity of people's thoughts and words that I live around and it started affecting my ability to be who I am in the writing dept of my mind. I got myself back on track a afew weeks ago and hopefully, will have something new/better coming out soon.
I am glad that you have also found out that you are much more than you have been perceiving yourself lately (not that my making that statement to you is anything worth salt), but I hope that you realize that here, you have many people pulling for you and hoping and wishing you, and all of us, the best successes ever. It works to have a healthy, although not to big, ego. It is maintaining the balance that get tricky. Good on you for finding the truth in your life.
Claudia
MINDSIGHT MODERATOR
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Fred Dungan
Unity Member
Post Number:
1155
Registered: 10-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 13, 2005 - 11:52 am: | |
There are always people in this world who will only be too glad to bring you down. Into this category falls a certain publisher who has always been quick to say that his authors aren't ready for prime time. Naturally, if he thinks that way, he is not about to waste his time promoting their books or trying to distribute them to brick and mortar bookstores. In other words, your book is dead the minute you sign the contract.
It is my sincere wish that everyone on this board will eventually get a shot at the big time. Working in an industry where fully 75 percent of manuscripts are rejected without being read can be damaging to the ego.
Keep your eye on the ball, keep your nose to the grindstone, keep your ear to the ground and you will have gone through such contortions that you won't care whether you make it or not. Seriously, nobody will ever believe in you if you don't first believe in yourself. Don't think of it as ego. Rather, think of it as self-preservation.
http://www.fdungan.com/vigilantes.htm |
Tom Elkins
Wandering Member
Post Number:
191
Registered: 01-2005
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 13, 2005 - 05:53 pm: | |
Fred -
Congratulations. You may have just set a record for cliches in a single paragraph. But your first was "brick and mortar bookstores". Some of have neither brick nor mortar...but we know what you mean.
te
Tom Elkins
NORTH of TEXAS |
Gloria Marlow
Unity Member
Post Number:
1562
Registered: 04-2002
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, August 13, 2005 - 06:59 pm: | |
Kitty,
I'm so glad you came to this realization.
It is so easy to become discouraged especially when you have the personality that makes you question your own talent, worth, etc. I know that from my own experience.
God works in His own sweet time, but His abundance is worth the wait.
Gloria
Gloria
The Butterfly Game
Shades of Silence
Flowers for Megan (soon)
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Nancy Marie
Unity Member
Post Number:
1963
Registered: 08-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 08:42 am: | |
Thanks everybody. I can't even begin to describe how good if feels to think of myself as a writer again. Not thinking of myself as a writer for the past two years was like losing half my personality.
I am just amazed at how stupid I can be sometimes. I always knew that if I didn't write, I wouldn't know what to do with myself, and the past couple of years have more than proven to me that I need to write to keep my sanity.
I must have a goal-driven type of personality or something, obsessive/compulsive maybe, I don't know but I do know that without writing there's a big, empty hole in me that nothing else can fill.
blessings, Kitty |
Richard Taylor
Awareness Member
Post Number:
41
Registered: 10-2004
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 15, 2005 - 08:20 am: | |
Kitty, it appears as though you have re-dicovered for yourself what a great man once said (please forgive the paraphrase), "It is done unto you as you believe."
Our thoughts about ourselves ARE our real beliefs about ourselves -- and if you change them in a positive manner you can effect positive changes in your life. Discovering this truth for yourself is just the beginning...
May the Force be with you and Live long and Prosper! 
Richard
Richard Taylor
"Virtual Control" -- available from Behler Publications
http://www.behlerpublications.com/titles-taylor.asp
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Nancy Marie
Unity Member
Post Number:
1965
Registered: 08-2001
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, August 16, 2005 - 06:33 am: | |
Richard, that is so true. I like your use of the quotes from Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just read an interview with George Lucas, and he said one of the reasons he included that line in his movies is he wanted to give the younger generation a sense of wonder and of mystery. He said he hoped that by tweaking their interest in something greater than themselves that it would lead them on a quest to find faith. He felt as if this "modern" generation had lost the ability to have faith and he hoped that his movies would assist them in finding it.
I found that very interesting and very similar to Joseph Campbell's works on myth and meaning.
blessings, Nancy |
Frank P. Baron
Hunger Member
Post Number:
62
Registered: 10-2003
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, August 17, 2005 - 10:38 am: | |
Congrats Nancy Marie. It feels good to feel good doesn't it?
Your story reminds me of that old line from (I think) the Pogo comic strip: "We have seen the enemy - and he is us."
www.frankbaron.com |
Jennifer Caress
Awareness Member
Post Number:
5
Registered: 02-2006
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 08:57 pm: | |
Thanks for posting this, Nancy. What a wonderful reminder to everyone, especially us writers taking the up and down ride of publishing. I still believe that regardless of being published or not, you are still a writer. Being a writer is what we are, getting published is what we do (or try to do). There is a difference. |
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