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Pacwriter
Unity Member
Post Number: 2272
Registered: 04-2002

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 08:00 am:

What do you think of this format for email quries?

COMMAND A KING’S SHIP (69,000 words)
by Dr. Perry Comer

Mutiny, hurricanes, treachery and dueling broadsides pace this story of revolutionary America set off the coast of Florida in 1779. Isaac Donland, American born and serving in the English navy is the son of a Presbyterian missionary. He is given command of the captured frigate Morgador. Filled with self-doubt he relies upon God to accomplish his mission.
Embroiled in intrigue, tormented by love and strengthened by friendships Donland faces each challenge with determination and faith. Even when Morgador is captured by a sadistic French Lieutenant and death seems imminent, Donland's faith holds. When hope seems distant, the return of a friend enables Donland to gain victory.
Setting sail from his island haven, the under-manned and damaged Morgador encounters the powerful foe Lafluyr. Desiring to hold onto Morgador, Donland attempts the near impossible task of defeating the sixty-four gun French ship of the line.
Journey’s end finds Donland torn between his love for a woman and love for a ship. The one he can not hold and the other he dare not hold. The choice is made for him and he is given command of a king’s ship.

Qualifications To Write This Book: Doctor of Theology, Master of Divinity, BA – Sociology, 28 years serving as Pastor

Previous Publications: LANDON'S WAR - Wings E-Press; HOUSE OF SNAKES - Wings E-Press; Carolina Country Magazine; Leadership Journal

Theme: Providence. Faith in God will guide through difficult times and adversity.

Purpose: To entertain, teach and give hope.

Audience: Christian readers of historical fiction. Fans of Patrick O'Brian; C.S. Forrester and Alexander Kent.

Similar Books/Competition: The Far side of The World - Patrick O'Brian and The Hornblower Series by C.S. Forrester

Promotion: Use my pastoral connections for speaking engagements in two states. Speak at writing groups, conduct book-signings, mailing press releases to local newspapers, radio stations and television stations.

Author Information: Perry Comer
pacwriter@alltel.net
207 Diane St.
Wingate, NC 28174
704-233-9271

http://www.perrycomer.com

Claudia Turner VanLydegraf
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number: 2577
Registered: 06-2002

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 10:14 am:

I like it, short, sweet, succinct, and not any fluff, did I say NOT any FLUFF??? Good query. A person would not have to sit for an hour trying to figure out what/who/why the book was written.

Claudia
MINDSIGHT MODERATOR

Jennifer Lynn
Unity Member
Post Number: 1858
Registered: 03-2002

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 04:10 pm:

No offense Perry, but if that landed in my inbox, I'd probably dump it as being a non-professional query. After the initial blurb, it is just point form notes.
I'd stick to a more traditional format, which is a narrative type query if I were you.

Jenn

Jennifer Lynn
www.jenniferlynn.ca

Todd Hunter
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number: 3180
Registered: 02-2003

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 04:24 pm:

I've actually seen the point form used by authors at AW (I don't think this follows the same form I saw there), who have been accepted by publishers.

I imagine it's a case-by-case basis...

That being said, the information presented does lend itself to a narrative query...

Mindsight Moderator
Check out the musings over at Aston's new blog

Pacwriter
Unity Member
Post Number: 2273
Registered: 04-2002

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 04:52 pm:

One of the publishers accepts online queries but only by filling out their electronic submission form. what you read above is that information.

I would rather all publishers would go to a similar format. Would it make life a lot easier for us?

http://www.perrycomer.com

Bill Nelson
Unity Member
Post Number: 1777
Registered: 10-2002

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 06:05 pm:

Perry,
I side with Jennifer. It's cold and impersonal. You're not "selling the sizzle", or showing them you can write. It's Jack Webbish and I'm betting most would find uninteresting.
I wish they would accept phone calls! Yeah, right.
Keep thinking....

Dennis Collins
Mindsight Moderator
Post Number: 2211
Registered: 06-2002

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Thursday, February 08, 2007 - 10:35 am:

OK, I want some brutal criticism here before I invest in envelopes and postage. The actual letter is formatted with my name and contact information neatly centered at the top but something happens when you cut and paste these things.

Dennis Collins
3433 Port Austin Road
Port Austin, MI 48467
(Home) (989) 856-8045 (Cell) (989) 963-0052
theunrealmccoy@aol.com

The First Domino

Joe Pellerito thinks he can murder his way into the mob. Surely the execution style killing of three Detroit police officers in a single afternoon will demonstrate the ferocity and courage that is so respected by the family.
The scheme actually draws the opposite reaction and Joe becomes the hunted and is forced to flee to Italy where he believes he can find a new identity and start his life over.
The intense investigation by Albert McCoy and Otis Springfield, a couple of Detroit police detectives eventually identifies Joe Pellerito as the prime suspect puts them on his trail, but the mob has its resources too and is also in hot pursuit. Who will get there first?
Otis Springfield has just been promoted to Detective Lieutenant. The triple cop killing is his first case in his new position but he faces other tragedies when his mother dies of a massive stroke at the height of the murder investigation. Only after the passing of his mother does Otis learn the story of the father he never knew. He is torn between his duty to solve the homicides and the compelling desire to unearth his extraordinary heritage.
The “McCoy” series that features a trio of characters, Detroit cops McCoy and Springfield and their PI buddy, Michael O’Conner. At slightly over eighty thousand words it is complete and ready to submit. The story contains elements of violence, love, redemption, discovery, and patriotism.
Another novel in this series, “Turn Left at September,” was released in November of 2005 through Behler Publications, a small mainstream publisher. “The Unreal McCoy,” the first book in the series is available through Independence Books.

Dennis Collins
Moderator
www.theunrealmccoy.com
http://theunrealmccoy.blogspot.com

Tom Elkins
Wisdom Member
Post Number: 630
Registered: 01-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Thursday, February 08, 2007 - 12:01 pm:

A technical point, Perry - I have a personal dislike for beginning sentences with dependent clauses, which you seem to do a lot.

Tom Elkins
NORTH of TEXAS
www.authorsden.com/tomelkins

Pacwriter
Unity Member
Post Number: 2776
Registered: 04-2002

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Thursday, February 08, 2007 - 02:12 pm:

It is a bad habit.
I try to find a balance between holding interest and conveying information within a paragraph. So, you can see, pacing is a real problem. I do appreciate you calling attention to the habit and I will work to begin fewer sentences with dependent clauses.

I've worked with quite a few editors and not a single one pointed to my use of clauses. Tom, I do appreciate the insight because for a long time I've gone over and over things I've written and known there was something wrong but could not put my finger on just what it was. Your one sentence is the light bulb over my head finally clicking on. Thanks

http://www.perrycomer.com
http://throughablindeye.blogspot.com/

Tom Elkins
Wisdom Member
Post Number: 632
Registered: 01-2005

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Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Thursday, February 08, 2007 - 02:36 pm:

No problem. My training was in writing for broadcast (conversation). Try reading out loud. Dependent clauses? People don't talk that way. People talk in short sentences. Even fragments. See what I mean?

Tom Elkins
NORTH of TEXAS
www.authorsden.com/tomelkins

Pacwriter
Unity Member
Post Number: 2779
Registered: 04-2002

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Thursday, February 08, 2007 - 08:44 pm:

as long as we are looking at queries:

Pastors don’t commit murder. When they do and the victims are members of his church it is national news.

Pastor David Martin is accused; he jumps bail and seeks out a woman in love with him. Two friends believe in their pastor’s innocence enough to risk their careers to save him. The local chief of police wallows in the media spotlight reminiscent of the Duke Lacrosse team’s prosecutor.

Lisa, David’s pregnant wife, is forced to endure the media scrutiny as well as the isolation of fish-bowl living. Her love for David is questioned when a woman who says she is just a friend reveals details of the pastor’s whereabouts.

The Sheep Killer is a fast-paced story of good versus evil. Follow David’s plight as he battles doubt, hopelessness and the Evil One.

http://www.perrycomer.com

Tom Elkins
Wisdom Member
Post Number: 634
Registered: 01-2005

Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!)

Posted on Thursday, February 08, 2007 - 09:21 pm:

Nice and tight.

Tom Elkins
NORTH of TEXAS
www.authorsden.com/tomelkins

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Posted on Wednesday, April 30, 2008 - 03:41 am:

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